Ahhhhh….

the last week here at the Lawrence house has been positively blissful.  Things have been relaxed and, I tell you, that is exactly what we needed this year.  After 6 months of tension:  leaving the Midwest and my family, cancer, surgery, recovery, insurance hassles, settling into a new neighborhood, new school, new church.  It has all felt frantic. 

the first few weeks in Alaska, we were so busy with all the medical stuff and school.  Then, as Dave began to feel better, we began to go again, catching up with friends long neglected in our moves.  A beloved aunt and uncle came to visit, Dave’s folks were in town. A long awaited trek to Homer.  A trip to Kenny Lake to reconnect with very special friends.  Each week that Dave was home something was going on. 

The weeks he was gone were filled with school and fencing and volunteering and Daisy Scouts.  Our Dave-less weekends were often spent in the Valley playing with the Riopelles or the Becks. 

So, when Christmas break rolled around,  although I missed/miss my family terribly, I was ready for the slow down.  And without extended family, it really was slow around here. 

We have never had a week like this.  Dave has been home since the day before Christmas, and has only been on the phone 2 times for work.  I think he only checked his email once.  The kids have been off of school, and since I don’t work… It has been wonderful.

Christmas eve was quiet, we went to church and enjoyed a lovely service complete with candles and volunteer choir.  Singing “Silent Night” with each persons face illuminated by the glow of the candles… knowing my family had done the same in Minnesota. 

At home that evening, we opened presents.  Not too many, that really isn’t our thing.  Neither Dave nor I grew up in households that went all out over Christmas presents and we have not made that a part of our family celebrations either.  Broder got some Troll legos, Kjell got an mp3 player, Sunny some doll clothes.  All the kids got pipecleaners and games and a puzzle to share. 

The most exciting present by far was the book box.  Dave and I had gone to a used book store in town and bought a bunch of books, some for each member of the family including our selves.  There were mysteries, car repair manuals, fantasy, history, knitting, learn to read , books of all kinds.  We had wrapped each book in newspaper(and didn’t label them as to whom they belonged) and put all the books in a large box.  When it came time to open the box, the kids pulled out any book, unwrapped it, and tried to figure out who it belonged to.  this was great fun and something I think we will do in years to come. 

Christmas morning brought the usual stockings stuffers, toothpaste, band-aids, toothbrushes and a little bit of candy. 

In the afternoon, our friend Tom came over for dinner.  It was great to send some time with him and catch up on all that has gone on in his life over the last 6 years.  It was an afternoon of good conversation, snuggled in our little house watching the snow pile up outside. 

In the days since Christmas, we have played a lot of games, put together a puzzle, taken the dog for long walks, baked some bread and lefse, drank good coffee and little wine,  and generally just hung out as a family.  We didn’t even start the car for 3 days! 

The holidays are so often a time of busy running and that is so much fun, and I missed that a little this year, there were times when I would get a little teary knowing that all my siblings and my parents were together, without us.  But, I think this last week was just what we needed.

Crying cancer…

one of the features of my blog account is that I can see what search terms people have used to arrive on this site.  The other day someone had searched for “crying cancer” and ended up here. 

So I started thinking about that. 

Crying Cancer.  Like crying wolf.

I feel a bit like that is what happened with Dave. 

July 17th, Dave gets a PHONE CALL, and the Dr says “you have cancer, this is very serious and you need to get this taken care of RIGHT AWAY”.   Most of you know the story, Dave was in Alaska, I was in Wisconsin, all our worldly possessions were loaded on a truck and on the road somewhere between the 2 places. 

I reacted violently and immediately, called my mom, crying, cancer.  Called my pastors, crying, cancer.  Called my friends, crying, cancer. 

I am sure that much of this reaction was driven by my personality, as well as the fear the word cancer brings.  I am a talker (surprised by that little confession aren’t you?), and I draw energy from having my friends and family around me, so it seemed like the natural thing to do.  Call, cry, talk, to everyone I know. 

It was a tense couple of weeks until Dave had his appointment in Alaska, and then the news was a bit better, but still cancer. 

After Dave’s surgery, the news got even better, there were clean margins around the tumor, and no further treatment would be needed, no chemo, no radiation, no surgery. 

And I felt stupid. Still do.  Did I completely over-react?  Probably. Turns out it was nothing but a massive pre-cancerous-on the edge of becoming a life threatening malignancy-tumor. 

 But that is the thing.  It was a tumor ON THE EDGE of being really really bad. 

 It wasn’t really really bad, just really bad.  So Dave had been in doubling over pain at least daily for 4-5 months.  So blood loss was a daily occurrence.  So Dave was totally exhausted and losing weight at the rate of 8-9 lbs a month, it was still just on the edge of being really really bad. 

And now he is feeling great, running and lifting weights again, eating whatever he wants, sleeping less than 9 hours a night.  He has energy and a sense of humor again(I am SO thankful!)

And I can’t shake this feeling that I was ridiculous to get upset in the first place. 

I hope that we never get another phone call like that one we got back in July, and if we do, I hope and pray that I can keep it together a bit better. 

Right now, I will take this as another chance to thank all of you who were so supportive and loving when I called,

Crying Cancer.

Dave update! and insurance gripes.

Here it is, the post you have all been waiting for.  Or at least may be interested in.

Dave had yet another appointment with the surgeon on Monday.  And again, the news was better than we could have hoped. 

Clean margins around the tumor and now normal scar tissue means that the critical stuff is all done.  There will be no need for even radiation.  Amazing. 

So what’s next?  Near constant follow up.  But hey, that is great.  Dave will be in for various scopes and visits a couple more times before the end of the year and then will have to have colonoscopies every 6-12 months for a while and depending on the outcome of those, perhaps moving to 18 month intervals at some point. 

Now about the insurance, stop reading here if you are short on time.

Now if we could just get the insurance company to agree all this was needed.  It looks like we will be fighting with them every step of the way.  I guess that is why we get to pay $300+ monthly premiums for complete coverage, so they can reject nearly everything and make us fill out endless appeal forms and spend hours and hours on the phone trying to convince the company that it really was a good idea to remove a cancerous tumor. 

Right now we are looking at $5000+ that the insurance company is saying they will not pay.  This in addition to the $5000 that is our “out of network” deductible that we are asked to pay since there are NO preferred providers for colo-rectal surgery in the entire state of Alaska.  The nearest in network group is in Seattle.   Hmmm, can’t imagine that the cost of plane tickets and hotel rooms would have been less. 

To be fair, I need to say that the insurance has paid about 60% of the after deductible costs, but really, this is a chunk of change.  So much for the dream of a savings account. 

I am hoping that with enough appeals and a little pressure from the surgeons group and with the help of the insurance-liaison that Schlumberger employs, that the insurance company will relent and agree that it really was a worthwhile thing to remove this tumor.  The irony is, if we would have caught this later, or waited the 6-8 weeks for this tumor to continue it’s growth and change and  if Dave would have needed radiation and chemo, there would have been no question regarding payment, even though it would have 10’s of thousands of $$ more than the cost of the surgery and followup. 

I am thankful we have insurance, I am fully aware of what a luxury this is, and I am thankful that we will be able to pay, not right now, but eventually we will certainly have that bill cleared, and I am so thankful that Dave has a job that pays enough to make all that possible. 

It is a reminder, however, of the millions of people for whom this would truly be a tragedy.  For whom the thought of $10000 would not be just depressing, but paralyzing.  I am SO thankful that Dave did not go through this when I was the one working and he was in school.  For a number of reasons, but primarily because $10000 would have been more than 1/3 of our yearly take home income.  There are alot of hardworking people for whom this is the reality.  That sucks. 

 Obviously the system is broken, I don’t know how to best fix it, but I would like to see more dialogue on this.  Because it is not just the professionals with company insurance who get sick, but also those people working a trade for a small business that can’t provide the same coverage we enjoy.  The self employed get sick too, and it is increasingly hard to find coverage for those 2,3, 4 person operations that make up so much of America’s workforce.  

I have several friends/family who have had to make the choice between insurance and essentials.  In most of these cases there have been economic thresholds that they (thankfully) slid under and at least the kids can get coverage through a state or federal program.  But, this still leaves (in at no fewer than 4 cases I know of) the mama without comprehensive coverage.  All the families I am thinking of have catastophic coverage for the mama, after a huge deductible($5000, which is a HUGE percentage of their income). Which means mama doesn’t go to the doctor for the preventative stuff, or regular screenings, the visits that could catch an illness BEFORE it is catastophy.   These are hardworking families, taking every bit of overtime offered, working 2 jobs, watching the grocery costs pretty carefully etc. 

I guess in the meantime, I will keep praying for their health.  And thanking God for my own.

A picture of the patient…

long overdue, I know, he is already back at work and everything…  We met with the surgeon last Monday and he stopped just short of calling the outcome a miracle.  Repeatedly we were told that he had not expected to have the surgery go as well as it did, that when he first saw Dave, he really didn’t think he would have good news to share, how he never would have thought they could get that “massive” tumor out with as little trauma as they did, etc etc etc.  Several times over the last few weeks we have heard that it is WONDERFUL that Dave was symptomatic, as had this grown/changed/whatevered any further we would be talking about how much time he had left, and how to make that the best it could be. 

Instead,  here we are, talking about a follow up visit in a month, Dave has been cleared to go back to work, to start running again. 

So, the surgeon might not say miracle, but I am going to, because that is what this is, our own private miracle.  Walking, working, running proof that prayer works and God listens.  And wow, are we ever thankful. 

It has been a week now…

and Dave is up and moving, kind of slowly, but he is moving.  He has gone into the office the last couple of days and that has been good.  He likes having something to do. 

The pathology reports have come back, and it seems that all the bad stuff has been removed and there are “clean margins”.  This is wonderful news, again.  God is good.  We meet with the surgeon a week from Monday to find out more specifics.  In the meantime, we are enjoying this little bit of extra family time.  It is a slower pace than we are used to, and that is just fine. 

The first few days after surgery were pretty rough.  Dave was in ALOT of pain.  He really didn’t move from the couch, except to get to the bathroom, and as you can imagine, that was pretty traumatic.  So, then it was a couple of pain pills and back to the couch for a few more hours before getting up to repeat the process over again. 

Dave doesn’t have to return to full duty at work until Sept 9th, and that is great.  We will find all sorts of things to fill our time.  He still can’t lift anything over 5 pounds, and can’t exercise for several weeks, but he can tell me what needs to be done and he is a relentless taskmaster, so you can bet that the house will be in perfect order before he gets back to work. 

It would be a good time for you to come and visit!

GREAT NEWS!!!!

So, Dave had surgery on Thursday.  And it went really really really well.  During the pre-op chat we were told that this could be long one, and if it was going to run longer than 3 hours he would get word to me so I wasn’t concerned.  The risks were significant:   perforated rectum, bleeding, even removal of the rectum if it looked worse than originally thought. 

So I was surprised to see him saunter out the waiting area just short of 2 hours later.  Surgery had only taken about 1.5 hours and went  “better than I dared to hope” (Dr’s words).   He believes that the entire tumor was removed.  This was not expected.  It has changed the outlook dramatically, we are now in a situation where further surgery is a possibility, and NOT a probability.  This is wonderful wonderful wonderful news. 

The tumor was “massive”, but now it is gone.   Sent off for more testing.  We will get the pathology reports next week. 

Dave is still out of it.  He is home now and resting.  Worn out, physically and emotionally.  It is hard to see him like this, flat out and pale, kind of gray-ish skin tone. 

He gets to take it easy for the next couple of weeks and when he comes out of the pain med induced stupor, that is going to drive him nuts.  Don’t stop praying for him just yet.

And speaking of prayer: 

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ALL

for all the emails and phone calls and cards. 

and the prayers.  God heard those, and answered, in a big way.  And we are so thankful. 

We are all tired, the first week of school wore out the boys, Sunny has worn out Auntie Megan, life has worn out me. 

I want to write about all the little things that have happened over the last 48 hours.  But I can’t right now.   Kids want to watch a movie, and they have had a very distracted mama as of late.  It’s time to sit and cuddle with them.

Big day tomorrow…

Tomorrow (Wednesday), is a big day here at the Lawrence house.  The boys start  school and Dave meets with the surgeons tomorrow afternoon to find out what to expect on Thursday.  We are all a little tense and on edge. 

The kids are stressed out about school, it is a new school, and they will be doing an intensive language program, and they have to wear uniforms, and the nutritional guidelines dictate that they can’t take cookies or candy in their lunch.  I really have no idea how they are going to survive that particular rule.  Cookies are a staple around here. 

Dave is stressed about surgery, and life after.  Or lack of life, as the conversation keeps turning to wills and who will help me with the kids etc. Who would take the kids if both of us die.  Not really cheery topics. 

We will drop the kids off early and then it will be off to hit the gym.  Then Dave and I will meet with the surgeons and Megan will take Sunny out for some Auntie fun.  Then Megan will pick up the boys and bring them back to the house. 

Tomorrow night we will hang out here, waiting for Thursday morning.  And praying.

So, how is Dave?

some of you might be wondering about that.  Where does Dave fit into all of this?  What is going on with him? 

So, it was good to see him yesterday.  It was the first time we had seen each other since the “bad phone call” 3 weeks ago.  It is hard to comprehend how much has happened since that day.  Honestly, we still haven’t talked a lot about his diagnosis, and what this all means.  I am sure that we will, as time goes on.  Right now, in true Dave fashion, he is busy busy busy, unpacking and organizing.  No time to sit and talk about unpleasant issues like surgery and colostomy bags etc.  But, have no fear, that will come, later this week, we are heading out to see some friends that live about an hour away, and he will be trapped in the car.  I will bide my time. 

Right now, this is what we know:

It is early, and that is good.  He will have surgery to remove what they can from the rectum on August 21st and will be at home for about 2 1/2 weeks to recover after that.  When he recovers from that surgery, there will probably another surgery, this one to remove the upper portion of the rectum and attach what is left to the colon.  This course of action should allow Dave to retain function and aviod a permanent colostomy bag.  That would be great. 

We don’t know what treatment will look like after the surgery at this point.  The surgeon is expecting that the removal of the bad cells and the upper part of the rectum will be all that is needed at this point.  That would be wonderful. 

It is still scary, at least for me, but better.  The next couple of months will be long and difficult, for all of us.  But mostly for Dave.  I think he is denying how this will affect him. He keeps saying it is “no big deal”, but it is.  And the surgery and recovery will be painful, and probably humiliating.  And then he will be ok, and for that we are both really thankful.

Hey, look, this post is not about cancer!…

or at least not entirely.  Here is is, Friday July 25th, and I will be driving away from Madison in just a few hours.  It has been a long hard last week in this city we love.

I haven’t slept much in the last few days.  Busy saying my “not goodbyes”.  getting together with many of our friends just one last time.  And then getting together with those friends, just for a minute, because it was too hard to walk away the day before. 

Busy cleaning cleaning cleaning our little house.  It paid off, the house looked great as the Lord’s van pulled out of the driveway, loaded with all the rest of our stuff. 

Busy getting the rats set up in their new home.  Poor little things, they were stressed.  They are so cute.  and as crazy as it might be, I will miss those little guys.  (thanks Nancy and Don for taking care of them).

Busy getting the shipping made for Entropy’s eventual return to Alaska. 

Busy on the phone and computer getting stuff figured out for Dave, and updating friends and family on the goings on.

Today that is all done.

Today I will just be busy crying.

Munga tusen tak…

my mom says this little phrase means “many thousand thanks” or “thanks very much” in Norse. 

So I say to you all “munga tusen tak”.

A thousand thanks for all the prayers and emails and phone calls and visits and treats and kid watching and and and…

The first week is over, and it was made bearable by your support. 

I can’t begin to name each and everyone, (it’s like an Oscar speech), but I am going to try.

Thank you:

Wendy, Jen, Cathy, Jim, Annie, Alex, Craig, Roy, Lynda, Linda, Gloria, Don, Tod, Carrie,Laura, Barb, Layne, Kathie, Mom, Dad, Roy, Carol, Lucy, Bryan, Denny, Kenny, Carol, Mirelia, Joy, Brad, Jean, Lisa, Ann-Britt, Phil, Candy, Sheryl, Arlene, Bob, Dave, Joy, Lynn, Roland, Brenda, Becky, Janet, Sandy, Shawn, Ashley, Quincy,  Layne, Sheeba, Gloria, Nancy, Lawrence, Justine, Michael, Laura, Emily, Pam, Meredith, Dennis, Hans, Lili, Roy, Dorothy, Verlie, Valoris, Michelle, Nancy, Trudy, Lowell, Deb, Debby, Elrene, Kris, Ken, Anna, Kathleen, Cherie, Doug, Rachel, Doug, Jason, Julie, Jim, Erich, Margie, Jessica, Melissa, Leora, Irwin, Mark, Paul, Paul, Dave, Megan, Kim, Dan, Christmas, Fuller, Howard, Edy, Dawn, Joel, Bob, April, Harry, Cherie, Julia, Butch, Theresa, St. Pauls Lutheran, Arbor Covenant, Mat-Su Covenant, Plymouth Covenant, Dale Heights Presbyterian, churches from Alaska to Mexico to Tennesee, countless people I have never met have been in prayer for us. 

This outpouring of love and concern has been humbling and amazing and awe-inspiring and wonderful. 

Munga Tusen Tak.