Ahhhhh….

the last week here at the Lawrence house has been positively blissful.  Things have been relaxed and, I tell you, that is exactly what we needed this year.  After 6 months of tension:  leaving the Midwest and my family, cancer, surgery, recovery, insurance hassles, settling into a new neighborhood, new school, new church.  It has all felt frantic. 

the first few weeks in Alaska, we were so busy with all the medical stuff and school.  Then, as Dave began to feel better, we began to go again, catching up with friends long neglected in our moves.  A beloved aunt and uncle came to visit, Dave’s folks were in town. A long awaited trek to Homer.  A trip to Kenny Lake to reconnect with very special friends.  Each week that Dave was home something was going on. 

The weeks he was gone were filled with school and fencing and volunteering and Daisy Scouts.  Our Dave-less weekends were often spent in the Valley playing with the Riopelles or the Becks. 

So, when Christmas break rolled around,  although I missed/miss my family terribly, I was ready for the slow down.  And without extended family, it really was slow around here. 

We have never had a week like this.  Dave has been home since the day before Christmas, and has only been on the phone 2 times for work.  I think he only checked his email once.  The kids have been off of school, and since I don’t work… It has been wonderful.

Christmas eve was quiet, we went to church and enjoyed a lovely service complete with candles and volunteer choir.  Singing “Silent Night” with each persons face illuminated by the glow of the candles… knowing my family had done the same in Minnesota. 

At home that evening, we opened presents.  Not too many, that really isn’t our thing.  Neither Dave nor I grew up in households that went all out over Christmas presents and we have not made that a part of our family celebrations either.  Broder got some Troll legos, Kjell got an mp3 player, Sunny some doll clothes.  All the kids got pipecleaners and games and a puzzle to share. 

The most exciting present by far was the book box.  Dave and I had gone to a used book store in town and bought a bunch of books, some for each member of the family including our selves.  There were mysteries, car repair manuals, fantasy, history, knitting, learn to read , books of all kinds.  We had wrapped each book in newspaper(and didn’t label them as to whom they belonged) and put all the books in a large box.  When it came time to open the box, the kids pulled out any book, unwrapped it, and tried to figure out who it belonged to.  this was great fun and something I think we will do in years to come. 

Christmas morning brought the usual stockings stuffers, toothpaste, band-aids, toothbrushes and a little bit of candy. 

In the afternoon, our friend Tom came over for dinner.  It was great to send some time with him and catch up on all that has gone on in his life over the last 6 years.  It was an afternoon of good conversation, snuggled in our little house watching the snow pile up outside. 

In the days since Christmas, we have played a lot of games, put together a puzzle, taken the dog for long walks, baked some bread and lefse, drank good coffee and little wine,  and generally just hung out as a family.  We didn’t even start the car for 3 days! 

The holidays are so often a time of busy running and that is so much fun, and I missed that a little this year, there were times when I would get a little teary knowing that all my siblings and my parents were together, without us.  But, I think this last week was just what we needed.

I am thankful for…(part 3)

I try really hard to be thank full each and everyday, and to express my joy for the countless blessings that comprise my life  each and every day, not just at Thanksgiving.

I am full of thanks this year.  Dave is healthy, really that is enough to fill me with thanks, but lucky me, there is so much more. 

I am thankful for my kids, my heart swells with gratitude when I look at them.  I feel an inadequate and incompetent parent many days, but always, always Thank Full.

I am thankful for my family, far away though they are.  I am thankful that they will be together tomorrow and I know that they will miss us as much as we miss them.  How great is that?  To have a family that enjoys being together and loves.  Thank Full!

I am thankful for my friends.  Here, there, everywhere.  It is amazing to me that I have friends at all, so when I stop to think about all the people all over the world  that I care for and that care for me, it is almost overwhelming.  I am not worthy, but wow, am I Thank Full!

Those are the big things.  But still there is more I have to give thanks for. 

Over the last few months, with all that has gone on, Dave’s health, the move back to Alaska, I have been pretty narrowly focused and have felt like I “can’t see the forest for the trees”.   

So, looking closer at those trees, this is what I found, a forest Full of Thanks.  And I am truly THANK FULL for:

dear darling Entropy rejoining our family, our cozy little house, the csa I just discovered that will bring me good organic produce each week, the chance for our kids to learn a 2nd language, the chance for me to learn a 2nd language, Dave’s steady job, an old blue honda minivan, not having a newspaper route, a gym membership, a diverse school for the kids, the beauty of the mountains that greet me each day, rediscovering old friends, making new friends, the time to bake bread, volunteer opportunities, a welcoming church, daily walks with the dog, the park 3 blocks away, the gas stove, water and ice in the frig door, non-hideous furniture, my really funky and warm winter boots, visitors, postcards in the mail, emails from near and far, facebook, my cell phone and  the crazy number of minutes we have a month, the end of the election cycle…

I could go on and on and on…  there is much for which to be Thank Full!

Crying cancer…

one of the features of my blog account is that I can see what search terms people have used to arrive on this site.  The other day someone had searched for “crying cancer” and ended up here. 

So I started thinking about that. 

Crying Cancer.  Like crying wolf.

I feel a bit like that is what happened with Dave. 

July 17th, Dave gets a PHONE CALL, and the Dr says “you have cancer, this is very serious and you need to get this taken care of RIGHT AWAY”.   Most of you know the story, Dave was in Alaska, I was in Wisconsin, all our worldly possessions were loaded on a truck and on the road somewhere between the 2 places. 

I reacted violently and immediately, called my mom, crying, cancer.  Called my pastors, crying, cancer.  Called my friends, crying, cancer. 

I am sure that much of this reaction was driven by my personality, as well as the fear the word cancer brings.  I am a talker (surprised by that little confession aren’t you?), and I draw energy from having my friends and family around me, so it seemed like the natural thing to do.  Call, cry, talk, to everyone I know. 

It was a tense couple of weeks until Dave had his appointment in Alaska, and then the news was a bit better, but still cancer. 

After Dave’s surgery, the news got even better, there were clean margins around the tumor, and no further treatment would be needed, no chemo, no radiation, no surgery. 

And I felt stupid. Still do.  Did I completely over-react?  Probably. Turns out it was nothing but a massive pre-cancerous-on the edge of becoming a life threatening malignancy-tumor. 

 But that is the thing.  It was a tumor ON THE EDGE of being really really bad. 

 It wasn’t really really bad, just really bad.  So Dave had been in doubling over pain at least daily for 4-5 months.  So blood loss was a daily occurrence.  So Dave was totally exhausted and losing weight at the rate of 8-9 lbs a month, it was still just on the edge of being really really bad. 

And now he is feeling great, running and lifting weights again, eating whatever he wants, sleeping less than 9 hours a night.  He has energy and a sense of humor again(I am SO thankful!)

And I can’t shake this feeling that I was ridiculous to get upset in the first place. 

I hope that we never get another phone call like that one we got back in July, and if we do, I hope and pray that I can keep it together a bit better. 

Right now, I will take this as another chance to thank all of you who were so supportive and loving when I called,

Crying Cancer.

He made it!!!…

Entropy is home.  He got here about 12:15am Wednesday night/Thursday morning.  The driver pulled his HUGE truck, (53 ft trailer and sleeper cab) in front of our little house (24 ft wide across the front, our lot is only 50ft wide).  So this guy and his rig stretches from our front door, past our driveway, and well into the neighbors yard, stopping just short of the end of the block.  I have no idea why I am telling you this, except it was kind of funny and surreal. 

Back to the dog. 

So Kjell and I run out to the truck and there is the big guy, standing on the passenger seat, tail going round round and round, whining and whining.  It was so cute.  Jeff (the driver) pulled out a blanket, padded the steps out of the truck and out jumped Entropy.  It was great, there was a lot of leaning and hugging. 

We got Entropy in the house and he sniffed and sniffed and sniffed.  In and out of every room.  The cutest moment was when he ran into Sunny’s room, and leaned over and gave sleeping Sunny a big wet kiss on the nose.  She opened her eyes, sighed “oh Entropy” and rolled over and went back to sleep. 

After a late night walk, lots more hugs and kisses, we all went to bed, Entropy and Kjell curled up together on the floor in the boys’ room.

Yep, it’s true…

our dear dog (some might say 4th child) is on his way to Alaska to live with us again.  

long story short:

2 years ago we were living in a 640 sq ft apartment that did not allow pets.  Our wonderful friends Cathy and Jim S-E took Entropy into their home, where he promptly claimed the couch and a huge part of their hearts.  They loved him and spoiled him in a way we never could have, and we still got to visit and play with him.  Moving to Alaska was fast and complicated by the little health issue Dave was facing and I was overwhelmed.  So, the S-E’s agreed to keep the puppy a little longer until we could work out transportation etc.  We thought we had a ride up for him in August, that fell through.  I was just getting ready to bite the bullet and shell out nearly $1000 to fly the big guy, when we found some guy named Jeff who was on his way to Alaska and happened to have a little bit of room in the cab of his semi.  So now Entropy is somewhere in Canada, enjoying the bed of the sleeper cab and snacking on the homemade dog treats that Cathy made for the trip.  He should arrive Monday or Tuesday. 

We are so excited to have him here with us.  I have missed having a dog around so very much. And I have missed having this particular dog to the point of pain.   The kids are thrilled and have been telling everyone they know that their “puppy” is going to be here soon.  I have been flashing his picture to anyone standing still.  What does it say about me that I have pictures of my dog on my phone, but no pictures of my kids.  Ok, don’t answer…

Smells like home…

now that the first batch of chocolate chip cookies sits cooling on the counter.

Answered prayer, once again…

So, I have whined A LOT about this move, and the emotions it has stirred in me.  It has not been easy.  You all have heard that.  I loved/love Madison.  I LOVED LOVED LOVED living near my family.  Our church, no words to describe.  none of that has changed.

One thing I was really worried about was the weather.  I know this is silly, I have lived in Alaska, I survived, even thrived, here before.  But, I have been so happy to have SUMMER while in the Midwest.  Hot hot hot July days.  There is nothing like 90 degrees and a pool or a lake to sit by, play in, soak up the sun.  I have always loved summer.  As a kid I spent all day outside, as a teen I spent all day( and often most of the night) on the beach or in the water.  I never had a beach body, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying every bit of summer. 

So the last 2 summers, it has been a reliving of the carefree days of my (not so distant) youth.  We spent a crazy amount of money to join the community pool in Madison.  It was worth every single penny.  Morning spent at swimming lessons, afternoons and evenings spent lazing, soaking in the sun, visiting with friends, turning a lovely golden color (fat always looks better cooked). 

So I was pretty stressed when I would hear that Alaska was having the coldest summer on record.  All reports were that it has been gray and cold and awful.  And I just couldn’t face it.

So I prayed.  “Please, just a little sun!”

And what do you know…  God answers prayer. 

The weather hasn’t been uniformly gorgeous here, but there has been enough sun and sparkle to keep me out of the depths of despair. 

Today was a spectacular day.  T-shirt weather.  I could have even worn shorts, if I could have found them.  The sun shown all day, still shining bright now at 8:30pm. 

I am thankful.

So, how is Dave?

some of you might be wondering about that.  Where does Dave fit into all of this?  What is going on with him? 

So, it was good to see him yesterday.  It was the first time we had seen each other since the “bad phone call” 3 weeks ago.  It is hard to comprehend how much has happened since that day.  Honestly, we still haven’t talked a lot about his diagnosis, and what this all means.  I am sure that we will, as time goes on.  Right now, in true Dave fashion, he is busy busy busy, unpacking and organizing.  No time to sit and talk about unpleasant issues like surgery and colostomy bags etc.  But, have no fear, that will come, later this week, we are heading out to see some friends that live about an hour away, and he will be trapped in the car.  I will bide my time. 

Right now, this is what we know:

It is early, and that is good.  He will have surgery to remove what they can from the rectum on August 21st and will be at home for about 2 1/2 weeks to recover after that.  When he recovers from that surgery, there will probably another surgery, this one to remove the upper portion of the rectum and attach what is left to the colon.  This course of action should allow Dave to retain function and aviod a permanent colostomy bag.  That would be great. 

We don’t know what treatment will look like after the surgery at this point.  The surgeon is expecting that the removal of the bad cells and the upper part of the rectum will be all that is needed at this point.  That would be wonderful. 

It is still scary, at least for me, but better.  The next couple of months will be long and difficult, for all of us.  But mostly for Dave.  I think he is denying how this will affect him. He keeps saying it is “no big deal”, but it is.  And the surgery and recovery will be painful, and probably humiliating.  And then he will be ok, and for that we are both really thankful.

Alaska, one week in…

It has been a whirlwind, this first week back in Alaska.  It has been good.  From the moment we stepped off the plane it has been busy and fun and exhausting. 

Some dear friends met us at the airport, Harry is a police officer and met me right at the gate.  Cheri, his wife, met us just after security.  I am sure that the other passengers on my flight were wondering what was going on.  The police escort to baggage claim probably made a couple of them a bit nervous. 

Broder got to ride in the police car to the station, where all the kids then took a ride in a fire truck.  Not a bad way to spend their first 2 hours in Alaska. 

Then it was out to the MatSu valley, where we lived before.  A home cooked meal and a late night visiting session rounded out our first day.

Friday we headed off to a Farmers’ market and checked out a couple of new shops in the area.  Then it was back to Anchorage for the kids and me.  We met the landlord and got the official tour of our new house and all it’s little secrets. 

An hour after that, some more friends came up to spend the night.  We hadn’t seen each other in 5 years, since Sunny was a baby, and they have had 2 more kids since then.  It was great to catch up and watch the kids play.  We ate pizza off paper plates and had a wonderful time.

Saturday, after a morning of visiting with our friends (and one run to Home Depot to pick up a much needed plunger), it was back out to the Valley.  Stayed with our friends Julia and Tyde.  They have 4 kids, 3 of whose ages line up with our kids. Driving up to their house, it was as if I had been the last week, not 6 years ago.  The kids played and played and played, and Julia and I drank wine and talked and talked and talked. 

Sunday, off to church at MatSu Covenant, our Alaska church home.  Things have changed there a bit, there is a new building, a different pastor and some new faces, but the same old love.  It was wonderful to worship there once again. 

Sunday afternoon took us to a wedding reception.  And then to visit with our friends the Becks.  It was an afternoon and evening filled with 5 kids, 3 horses, 6 dogs, 2 cats.  The kids rode horses, and the adults, you guessed it, talked and talked and talked.  Drank some coffee, a glass of wine, and talked some more. 

Monday we were tired.  Ran around Anchorage a bit, ordered some school clothes, wrote thank you cards, got my library card. 

Tuesday was a big big day.  The movers came and unloaded all our stuff.  It was a bit overwhelming.  Dave came home and some more friends came by.  Sandy and Shawn.  They were passing through Anchorage on their way to go sheep hunting.  Again, it was like it was yesterday the last time we were all together. 

Wednesday.  Boxes, boxes, boxes.  At least 100 boxes unpacked today, and probably that many more to go through tomorrow.  The kids all have beds to sleep on, and their books are now on their shelves.  Tonight we ate our first home-cooked meal in our new house.  Salmon.  Imagine that.

Tomorrow the kids will register for schoool and we will unpack more boxes.  Probably make a a few trips to the grocery store to pick up that one more thing we forgot, or couldn’t ship.

Oh, Happy Day!!!!

high speed wireless internet access.