one of the features of my blog account is that I can see what search terms people have used to arrive on this site. The other day someone had searched for “crying cancer” and ended up here.
So I started thinking about that.
Crying Cancer. Like crying wolf.
I feel a bit like that is what happened with Dave.
July 17th, Dave gets a PHONE CALL, and the Dr says “you have cancer, this is very serious and you need to get this taken care of RIGHT AWAY”. Most of you know the story, Dave was in Alaska, I was in Wisconsin, all our worldly possessions were loaded on a truck and on the road somewhere between the 2 places.
I reacted violently and immediately, called my mom, crying, cancer. Called my pastors, crying, cancer. Called my friends, crying, cancer.
I am sure that much of this reaction was driven by my personality, as well as the fear the word cancer brings. I am a talker (surprised by that little confession aren’t you?), and I draw energy from having my friends and family around me, so it seemed like the natural thing to do. Call, cry, talk, to everyone I know.
It was a tense couple of weeks until Dave had his appointment in Alaska, and then the news was a bit better, but still cancer.
After Dave’s surgery, the news got even better, there were clean margins around the tumor, and no further treatment would be needed, no chemo, no radiation, no surgery.
And I felt stupid. Still do. Did I completely over-react? Probably. Turns out it was nothing but a massive pre-cancerous-on the edge of becoming a life threatening malignancy-tumor.
But that is the thing. It was a tumor ON THE EDGE of being really really bad.
It wasn’t really really bad, just really bad. So Dave had been in doubling over pain at least daily for 4-5 months. So blood loss was a daily occurrence. So Dave was totally exhausted and losing weight at the rate of 8-9 lbs a month, it was still just on the edge of being really really bad.
And now he is feeling great, running and lifting weights again, eating whatever he wants, sleeping less than 9 hours a night. He has energy and a sense of humor again(I am SO thankful!)
And I can’t shake this feeling that I was ridiculous to get upset in the first place.
I hope that we never get another phone call like that one we got back in July, and if we do, I hope and pray that I can keep it together a bit better.
Right now, I will take this as another chance to thank all of you who were so supportive and loving when I called,