My sister has long warned me…

that once I get to a certain age,  1 of 3 things will happen:  either I will go bald, or my breasts will become freakishly large, or I will begin to lose my mind.

I am now 40.

My stylist (or as I like to call him, Eric the Magnificent), says I have great hair, and loads of it.

And I have been “amply endowed” for quite a while, and age has not made much of a difference.

So, I figured that MY fate would be to lose my mind.

And today, that happened.

As of 8:02 Alaska Time, I am officially registered for the Gold Nugget Triathlon.

On May 15th, I will swim, bike and run my way through a course with 1499 other women.

I have been training (loosely) for this for a few months now, but am nowhere near ready.  Good thing there are 10 weeks to race day.

My dear friends, Myrna, Lisa, and Kristine are registered too, and I am looking forward to the next couple months when we train together, and especially that moment when we all meet up at the finish line.

 

 

Good Heavens, where does the time go?

when I sat down this evening, I thought it has maybe been a month since I posted last, not nearly 3!!

We had a long dreary summer here in Alaska, perhaps the rainiest on record.  32 days in a row where it rained.  We got to the point where we would mow the lawn, not when it had a day or 2 to dry out, but when it was just sprinkling asopposed to the rain we were getting most of the time.  The good news in all of this is that it was a banner year for mushrooms around south central Alaska.

I began working in July, and now after 2 months, it is beginning to feel like I have a handle on the job.  The hours and days just fly by and for the most part I enjoy each and every bit of it.  I love being a part of a place that takes women’s health so seriously, and a practice that so passionately believes that women should be able to give birth where and how they choose:  be that at a hospital with an epidural, a birth center with  favorite music playing, or at home on the living room floor surrounded by friends and family.

The diversity in my workplace: economic, educational, political, religious, both among those of us who work together, and the women we serve, is incredible.  Every day we learn something new from one another, and every day, our differences and beliefs are respected.

Working full time has been an adjustment, and not all of it is rosy.  I miss being with the kids all the time, and they miss me too.  i miss the lazy days that Dave and I could have together when he was home and the kids were at school.  I miss my house ever being clean.

Most of the change, however has been good.  Remarkably, we eat even more meals together because this is the time we consistently have as a family.  Knowing that we have a limited time, has forced all of us to be more organized in preparing meals, and now, more than ever, we are eating home cooked dinners, as I plan things out where I never really had to before.

I have given up most of the volunteering I was doing at the kids’ school, in fact, I don’t even pick them up from school 4 days a week!  I actually pay someone to pick the kids up from school and drop them at home (we don’t have bus service as a charter school).  It is all so different from when last year (and each year before that) when I was in the classroom, in the lunchroom, and on nearly every field trip.

We are hosting another student teacher from Germany this year.  Right now she is slated to be with us until nearly Thanksgiving, that may change, and she may be with us longer, to the end of her stay in the US, which runs through January 2011.  Magdalena is delightful, and we all enjoy her so very much.

after shoulder surgery in June, I decided to start running again.  It has been years and years and years since I have run on a regular basis, and it was hard going at first.  But on August 15, with the encouragement of family and my good friend Myrna who was with me every step of the way, I ran (without a single step of walking) a 5k race through downtown Anchorage.  I was not fast, and it was not pretty, and I was not last!  I look forward to more of the same in the months and years to come.I have set some pretty crazy goals for myself over the next couple of years, and this 5k was the first step to reaching them.  It felt good.

It has been a post about me, me, me.  And I feel like I should apologize, but not tonight.

I want to promise that it won’t be 3 months until I write again.  I wish I could.

It is busy around here these days, but some things will never change, and among those that stay constant are the following:

there is always a place to lay your head,  always coffee in the kitchen, always time for a lively conversation, and always, you are welcome.  Come and visit.

Sisterhood of the Shoulder Surgery…

A couple of years ago, I noticed that my shoulder would hurt a bit while doing certain tasks, not a lot, just a sharp little pain now and then.  I chalked it up to getting older, being overweight, lack of muscle tone in my arms. And most of the time, it was just annoying, so I lived with it.

Over the last couple of years, we have been busy with life, and Dave’s own health issues, and even though my shoulder began to hurt more often and more severely, I just lived with it. Figuring I could work around it.  And that is was no big deal.

But this winter, it became apparent I needed to address this, as I could not lift my right arm past chest height, and it hurt pretty much all the time, especially at night.  If I had worked hard, physically, through the day, the pain would keep me up at night… And that just would not do.

So, finally, I found a specialist my insurance would cover and went in for an exam (this was after attempting to get my insurance to pay for the DR I really wanted to see for several months, a story for another day).

The exam was no surprise, there was something wrong with my shoulder, and it would need to be addressed soon Because, really,  it should have been addressed a while ago.

An MRI was recommended, and before I got out of the parking lot, I had one scheduled for the next day, a Saturday (the Dr was pretty serious about getting this taken care of).

Within 3 days, the MRI results were in and read and a plan was in place.  Surgery was set for June 2.  The DR had hoped that I could have surgery sooner, on May 26th, but since I had waited this long, and my sister was here, I pushed it out another week.

Now I am pretty tough.  I handle pain pretty well, and like to think that I am wildly independent.  So, I scheduled the surgery, even though Dave was scheduled to be out of town that day and for most of the next 2 weeks. I was certain that after the anesthesia wore off I would be fine.

I lined up a friend to watch the kids, another one to pick me up from the surgery center and yet another to stay with me that night after surgery, as I was required to have someone with me for 24 hours, or be admitted to the hospital, and I really did not want to deal with THAT!

All went as planned, kids were fine, I was fine, went home and Suzi and Gina and Myrna took turns watching me sleep and drool on the couch in the living room.

Then the anesthesia and the nerve block wore off.  And I started taking pain pills.  And in response to the pain medication, I started throwing up.  So I went off the pain pills, and attempted to manage the pain with ice and ibuprofen.

And that really wasn’t terribly effective, but I hate throwing up, so I just laid on the couch, with this amazing contraption that circulated ice water around my shoulder while applying just barely tolerable pressured and prayed for 4 hours to pass so I could take more ibuprofen.

And the Sisterhood took over.

My house was cleaned, my fridge was stocked, my kids were entertained and fed.  Many friends stopped by to check on me, or sit in the living room, pretending I was interesting company.  My dog got walked.  I even got taken out to a party on Saturday, I lasted a whole 1.5 hours and then I came home and slept for 4.

Somehow, these amazing women found time in their busy lives to care for for us. And they knew just how much care I would accept, what would be too much and a perfect balance of compassion, concern and hands off.

I might have survived those first few days without my friends, but I don’t know that my kids would have.  And I am sure that the dog would not have.

I thank God for these women, this sisterhood.

Summer Fun…

Peter, Kjell and Broder!

me, on a log

Kathie and sweet Anders

The first month of summer…

Our first month of summer is over, and wow, what a month it has been!

We have been going full speed ahead since May 6, when my friend Kathie and 2 of her boys, Peter and Anders came for a 10 day visit.  That same week, we got a surprise ( and somewhat heart-stopping) visit from Roy and Carol (my beloved in laws) who came to Anchorage for some urgent medical testing.  Things turned out ok on that front, and we look forward to them coming back in November for some follow up appointments/treatment.

While Kathie and crew were here, we got to get in a little bit of early season hiking, and lots of visiting!  It is good to have friends that like the sound of your voice.

Kathie returned home on May 17 and 3 days later my sister Carol, her husband Brad and their sweet little girls, Beata and Lydia came for a 10 day visit.  Our kids finished school that day and we began to play full force.

May 25th found us at the airport, sending Kjell off on his grand adventure!  5 weeks in Germany!

Then it was off to Talkeetna, a charming little town about 2 hours north of Anchorage.  We stayed in a cabin there, and enjoyed a couple of days away from work.

Carol and her family left on Memorial Day, Dave flew back to work the next day, and on June 1st, I woke up early and caught a ride with a friend to the local surgery center where I had some repair work done on my right shoulder.

On June 2nd, while still in a narcotics induced fog, I accepted a new job.

So, on June 8, I returned to work at the church and gave them my notice.

And that was the first month of summer….

I had a talk with a friend today…

she doesn’t read this blog, but I don’t think I will name her, not because our discussion was anything earth shattering or private, but because she could be so many of my friends…

We were talking about moving, and it’s hardships, and the joys and the work that moving involves. Not the physical work, there is always that, and it is always acknowledged, but rather, the emotional work of moving.

She and I have both moved a lot. And we have in common that the last move for both of us was unexpected, unwanted and because the spouse got a job here.

I haven’t talked about this in a while… bear with me.I really don’t even know where this post is going, and I am just writing, sometimes I write, and re-write, and polish and edit, but I am afraid this one will be raw, or it might never get out of my head. I am pretty sure it starts here with moving, and all that, but it won’t end there, and it could very well run around in circle before it is all through.

Perhaps I have never written about this, feel free to search the archives, I really can’t remember.

I get told fairly often that I am so “happy” or “fun”, and I like to hear that. And I think that I am those things, sometimes. But not as often as one might think.

I have friends who are in the midst of tough decisions, or life changes, and over and over, I have heard,

“Oh, I wish I could have your attitude” “You always make the best of things” “I don’t know how you stay so happy”

Sometimes I don’t know if those words are compliments or condemnation.

I like to think the people who say that admire my attitude, but in private moments I wonder….

Do they really mean they think I am shallow, or simple, incapable of feeling with any depth? Or that I am not very smart, so I don’t fully understand the emotion that surrounds life altering events? Or even the day to day ones?

(wow this has totally gotten away from moving as a topic and is now something completely different, thanks for hanging in there)

I want to make it clear that I do feel, and I do grasp the gravity.

Sometimes, I think it is because I feel so deeply, about everything, that I am forced to find the joy that each situation presents. If I did not strive for the joy, the anguish and sorrow and frustration could suck me in and drown me.

I think this is why I get perceived as happy, and carefree, and even immature. But it is not as simple as that, it is more calculated, and much less spontaneous.

I seek out the Joy. I hunt down the Fun. I beat the Happy out of the sadness.

I do this for me, for Dave and especially for my kids. I don’t have much to offer them, I won’t leave them riches.

I will leave them only memories of childhood, and I want them to be able to look back and say:

“Remember when Dad was diagnosed with cancer, how our friends came over and made sure we had food to eat and how they made us laugh?” (what would this time have been like if we had no friends? If I had been reluctant to get to know people, because I was afraid of the day I would leave)

“Remember when we had to move and leave our friends, and how we would miss them, but how each place we went we had the chance to make more friends and meet such interesting people? (everyone should be so fortunate to have the friends that we do, all over the world!)

” Remember how we were taught to find the beauty of God’s creation in every place we lived or visited?” (How amazing is it that we have seen so much, and how creative is our God, that every place is fabulously unique?)

“Wasn’t it fun that our house was filled with laughter and family and friends?” (How many nights have we laughed until our sides hurt, is there a better gift?)

and countless, countless, countless others…

So I sit here now, typing without a filter, thinking about tomorrow, and what sorrow it might bring.

And what joys are to be found.

and I think:

No, I am not so strong, and I am not always happy, but I am very stubborn and I WILL find the joy!

our very own personal German…

as many of you know, our kids go to a German immersion school here in Anchorage.  We feel really fortunate that they have this chance to really learn another language, and some bits of the culture as well.

one of the programs that the school has is an intern exchange.  This year there are a total of 11 interns, student teachers from Germany, who will be spending all or part of the year working at the school.  Each of these interns is hosted by a family from the school.

When we heard about this last year, we wanted in on the fun.  So, we submitted our names and requested to become a host family.

On January 30th, we got our very own intern.  She is completely delightful and seems to be fitting in just fine here at the Lawrence Lair.  Sina is with us for just 2 months, so in some ways, she is a trial intern, if all goes well, we will consider hosting for a longer period in years to come.

Our house is pretty little, so we have done some fancy re-arranging, we converted our room into a little retreat room, with tv, chair and a bed.  emptied out the closets and now it is our intern room.  We will also use this room as our primary guest room once Sina heads back to Germany in April. We have a steady stream of visitors, not only in the summer, but throughout the year, really, and it will be nice to have a dedicated space.

Dave and I moved into the extra large walk in closet off the boys’ room, and the boys’ room got re-arranged to accommodate the computer and home office equipment that used to reside in the closet.  The closet-room is big enough to serve as an overflow guest room, at least for those guest that we know really really well, or that are related to us and are obligated to love us in-spite of  less than luxurious accommodations.

Having another person in the house has made things busier, that is for sure, and at times has added a bit of stress, but it is far outweighed by having a chance to make a new friend.

I got a little love today…

and with it I bought a phone and a latte.  Over the last couple of weeks, there was a “love offering” taken at church.  This love was to be divided up amongst the pastoral staff, the youth intern, the custodial staff and me, the church office manager/toilet fixer.

I have been eyeing/daydreaming about/ not quite coveting(because that would be a sin and although I do sin on a regular basis, I try to avoid it, really I do) the iphone.

So, today, Mr Bill O.  handed me an envelope, and in it was a check.  Just enough to cover an iphone, with enough left over for a celebratory latte!

Truthfully, I didn’t need a check to feel the love.  That is one thing about working at a church, there is a lot of love passed around, but I can tell you this:

Each time I use that spiffy phone, I will be reminded that I am very blessed, and yes, loved.

Christmas Eve…

was always the big Christmas event at our house growing up.  Dave’s family did Christmas morning.  So we compromised and now we do both.  Presents with the family on Christmas eve, and stockings in the morning on Christmas day.

back to Christmas Eve.  That is what I am talking about right now.

This year we didn’t have any plans beyond going to church and opening presents.  But that changed late last week when our friend Nancy called and invited us to dinner at her house after the service.  She said there were going to be about 30 people there, and swedish meatballs.

How do you resist n offer like that?

So we went to church, and it was, well…less than spectacular.  Things just weren’t flowing.  The projector overheated, so there were no words to the songs that were not in the hymnal.   And there were a few.  And we sang some of the old favorites, but the rhythms were either a little slower or a little faster than I was used to and so…

But then we sang “Silent Night” by candlelight, and all was right with the world.

And then it was off to dinner.  Nancy and Jim are the most welcoming people I have ever met.  I long to have a home as warm and inviting as their home.  Walking in the door was like coming home.  Good smells, lots of laughter, coffee.

For the next couple of hours we laughed and talked and ate.  and I felt like I was in Minnesota.  There were babies and little kids and teens and young adults and 30 somethings, 40 somethings, 50 somethings and even set of surrogate grandparents for my kids.

we talked breastfeeding and school and vacations and politics.  I could have been in the living room at Showalter Central.

Then we packed up the kids and headed back across town, to our cozy little house, our pretty tree and the dog, who was very happy to see us!

We sat down, talked about Christmas, what it means, how the tradition started and read some scripture, but not from Luke.  From Genesis, because Dave is an Old Testament kind of guy.

Then the presents began!  Cribbage board, Nerf guns, chocolate, a knife, a tin mosquito, a banana leaf frog, Daisy earrings, perfume, socks, a tie, puzzle, artwork, games, stuffed animal, salmon dog treats, knitting needles, audio books, movies, and about 40 books.

Seriously, 40 books.  Books about the oil industry, the Irish exodus, knitting, barbie, WW1, Antarctica, fly fishing, commercial fishing, and so much more.

It was so much fun, and the kids were so excited about each and every little thing!

And that was Christmas eve on Garden Street.

Happy Birthday Roy!

July 16th found us back in the truck, this time headed to Haines, Alaska for a visit with Dave’s folks.  The trip to Haines is always fun, for so many reasons.  And this trip promised to be even more fun than usual, as we were going not just for a visit but for a surprise party of epic proportions.  My beloved father in law, Roy, was turning 80 and it seemed a good reason to celebrate. 

My sister in law, Megan, along with my sister in law Mery,  my wonderful mother in law, Carol and even myself(I just had a tiny part in all this) began planning a party last summer.  Invitations were mailed around the country, and given out all around Haines, with strict instructions not to let on if Roy started asking questions.  A hall was rented, decorations purchased, a potluck arranged. 

The Anchorage Lawrence crew planned a trip to Haines, under the premise that July 16-21 were the only possible dates for us to spend in Haines, and wasn’t it just grand that it happened to coincide with Roy’s birthday!  We were just the foil.   We arrived early Thursday morning, and that evening, people started streaming into Haines from all over.  Over the next few days the roads between the ferry terminal and Haines International Airport were practically smoking as we made clandestine trips back and forth to pick up  friends and family streaming in from all over the state and the country. 

Megan and her friend Amy were the first in, coming in Thursday night from Washington State.  Then the next day the ferry brought Nina and her hubby, Christian and their little girl Naomi(Roy and Carol’s 1st great-grand baby), from Washington DC, and Deanna and her boyfriend Ben in from Oregon, Steve (one of Dave’s brothers) and his terrific and extremely fun girlfriend, Shellin, from Juneau, and a host of other friends and family.  Saturday morning brought still more guests. 

Haines is not a big place, and finding hiding places for all of these people was quite a challenge.  There were friends and family members stashed in houses and hotels on nearly every street.  All with warnings not to drive in front of Roy and Carol’s house, for fear he would see them and know something was up.  hiding someone in a town of 2000 might not seem like it is that hard, but try hiding a couple dozen, including children, grandchildren and a great grandchild of the guest of honor.  Now imagine that the guest of honor, from whom you are trying to hide these people, lives on the main street in town and the only road to the ferry terminal.  It was pretty funny!

Everywhere we went in Haines, for the first couple of days we were there, people would pull us aside and whisper something about the party, what they were planning to bring, what gift they found, what one of Roy’s necklaces they were going to wear, etc etc.  It is a good thing that Roy is now really hard of hearing!

And on July 18, it all came together in spectacular fashion!  A bit over 200 people crammed into the ANB/ANS hall in downtown Haines.  The place was decorated with balloons and streamers and a fantastic banner put together by Megan, with pictures of Roy thoughout his life. 

My kids and Dave spent the day with Roy and at 5:30pm, began a walk to the park.  As they walked past the ANB/ANS hall my kids urged Grandpa to go on in and see why all the cars were there.  Grandpa was reluctant, saying that there must be some kind of meeting and they probably don’t want to be disturbed.

Finally, Broder opened the door and peeked in,

 then a bit wider and in came Roy.  200 and some people stood up and sang “Happy Birthday” to a very overwhelmed and astonished Roy.

 

 

 To see the look on his face as he surveryed all those people there to celebrate his birthday, and then to see his face, and the tears, as he saw his children grandchildren and finally the great-grand child he had never met, only seen pictures of, standing right there.

 

I don’t have the words to describe what we all felt at that moment.

For the next couple of hours, people ate, and talked and laughed and laughed and laughed.  The whole town of Haines seemed to be there. 

Countless people told me how Roy has touched their lives over the years, things from teaching a young kid to ride a bike when the child’s own father was too busy, to giving of his drift net catch to a family of 10 that could really use the fish, to being the guy who gave the troubled kid a 2nd, 3rd, 4th chance, and the stories went on and on and on.  Roy is a a man who loves and is incredibly loved. 

 

 

After the party was over and the hall cleaned up, the family, headed over to Mery’s house for our own private after-party.  We all stayed up way too late, and enjoyed our selves very very much.  It was a wonderful time. 

Throughout all of this, I was reminded again, of how blessed I am.  I have the great family I was born into AND  the great family I married into.